Don't Feed The Animals

Cute Pic Eh !

Although, don't think them as cute as they seem. They can be as stealthy and effecient as a pack of wolves.

Goats know no mercy !

You may seem to think that I have pent up aggression towards these softy little animals... well I have reason.

It all began when.........

It was a beautiful summer day, a light breeze blew in the air. We were enjoying a beautiful day at a very nice game farm. Strolling along, viewing wonderous wild animals. The fun ended as the day at the game farm came to a close. Being the animal lover that I am, I could not pass up the chance to feed the free ranging little herd of farm goats. I purchased my bag of goat feed and stood enjoying myself immensely. Then, tragedy struck, I had only a handful of the feed left.... I tossed it in the air to ensure that all had a fair shot at the last bit. The goats seemed to sense that something was amiss. That damn lady is running out of feed ! We'll show her !

I turned to make my way to our car, as I was walking I could sense that I was being followed. A quick glance over my shoulder confirmed this thought. 24 eyes were peering at my intently, 48 hooves clicking at the backs of my heels. Then, before I knew what was happening, they struck. I was butted in the rear ! I quickened my pace, but they were no match for me they kept after me, the herd mentality taking over. Butted reppeatedly as I ran, nearly tripping with every pace. Do not fall, that would be the end, was all I kept telling myself.

I began to run, through the parking lot, an entire herd of goats at me heels, ba-aaing, butting, jumping. People stopped in shock as they watched my pursuit. I made it to the car but they were already on me, I had no time to get in. So I leaped up onto the car as best I could ( as it was an old stupid honda civic that has no actual trunk to get up on ! )
My butt clinging to car, feet on the bumper, I was surrounded. They had me cornered. Hooves and Heads were mauling me everywhere. At one point I came face to face with one of them, and stared directly into its weird little eyes, its warm grainy breath on my face. I was butted in the stomache, the wind leaving me in a final whoosh. I was doomed.

Then it was over as fast as it began. As one, they turned and headed back towards their barn, to await their next foolish victim.

They are strong, they are keen, they are goats !

You can imagine my humiliation at being marauded by a heard of goats...... to this day I sometimes think I can hear the clicking of hooves at my feet, and have to control the urge to scramble to safety.

True Story !

Sheer Bliss

The ice was hard and glistening like glass. The zamboni just finished another round of perfecting the surface. All around me was the smell of ice. As I laced my skates I imagined the delicate sweeping moves I would make as I glided gracefully around the rink...... NOT !

If only that were true, but in my case, nothing can be classified as "delicate".....

Not using my internal mothering instincts, I decided to play "chicken" with my son. Now for anybody who does not know what "chicken" is, it is when two people race towards each other and see who veers away first (the chicken) to avoid the crash. Not only did I decide to play this, I have never told my son ( who is only 6 ) about this game. You can probably guess what's coming.

Well, we have established that I am not a great skater, have gone against mother nature and decided to play a dangerous game, and have not explained any of this to my son. Sounds good eh !

At the speed of light we came barreling towards each other, everything seeming in slow motion. I turn.... Chase turns.... INTO ME. And you hear in a deep slow motion movie voice " No-oo-oo-oo" WHAMO !

The End