Walking Dead ?

Sooo, I pretty much looked like this, this morning when I set out to work. Yeah, nice huh.

I guess that is what you start to look like when you work for a million days straight. Not to mention that even after the workday ends, you are so tired that you are not quite sure if you are actually alive or dead.

" Excuse me, lady ?" " "Can you please check my pulse, I think I am dead, yeah no, I am pretty sure." ........"No, still alive? ok then, carry on."

I mean who the hell works so hard that their belly button hurts. I am NOT getting paid enough for that kinda work. " So.... Heather sorry, I can't make it in to work today, I am having belly button issues." Probably won't fly eh.

Could you imagine if we ever used the truth for the days we want off.

Cramps,

Headache,

Hungover,

Just don't wanna,

I guess I am going to have to suck it up, in a few more days I will actually get one off....... no wait, I am working from my home that day......

Oh yes, I forgot to mention the fun that I had while working these million days (by myself)

* got bit in the face

* broke up a dog fight and had to take one to the vet

* lost a cat ( found it under a pile of mats )

* missed a customer coming in and had to drive 1/2 hr to go get it for her

oh...... Heather.... about that belly button thing...... I think it is pretty serious.

My Ode To The End Of Christmas

Christmas has come, and Christmas has passed.

It is time to undo my button, at last !

Through all of the pastries, turkey and baking,

Batteries, lights, and bad picture taking,

Old smelly aunts, new socks, and gotchies,

Nattering family, wine and Tamagotchi's.

I have remained pretty sane, at least I think so....

Just don't ask my neighbour,

She caught me drinking in my robe a minute ago.

So what, I do say

It had to be noon somewhere, someday !!!

Now, that the fuss has finally died down,

the dust has settled, there's no jingle bell sound,

I think I can relax, the coast it is clear,

I can now settle in for a brand new year !!!!

Best Wishes to all in 2007 !!!

L

Drivin' Miss Daisy

I think I may not be the 'driving' type. This comes after much reflection, sitting in yet another ditch this morning.

It is amazing how quiet it all is in the moments after careening around the icy road and landing in a snow laden ditch. Peaceful almost, if it were not for my shaky hands, rubbery knees, sobbing and some retarded song still singing away on the radio blissfully ignorant of my current situation. $#^%!!!#@!!.

Well, I limped the ol' SUV home, on what appeared to be two flat passenger side tires, and called in to let work know I would not be there today, because I am a tard.

Then, it dawned on me. This is the third time I have slid out of control, in as many years. Twice this year, and once a couple of years ago. That is bad enough. But if I delve even further into my driving history, well, sadly enough, it speaks for itself.

I digress..........

It began when I was 17, I was in the learning permit stage of my driving years, just a baby so to speak. I remember fondly starting up the car in the Pizza Hut lot only to high center the stupid thing on the parking curb that I failed to notice.

Then there was the time I was picking up Dean at work. Expertly executing a U-turn and parking on the other side of the road. But, a little close to the edge of the ditch I guess, since the car was tipped over sideways in it.

Hmmm, what about the time I drove away from the house in the winter with it still plugged in, and driving away with the cord dragging along with me.

Also driving away with the gas cap on the roof, oh yeah and my wallet up there another time. It was so nice of the guy stopped behine me at a red light to let me know.

I remember the day fondly, when a kind stranger saw me and stopped to let me know that oil does not get added to the dipstick hole. Let me tell you, that was a tip that came in damn handy !!!

I always have this cute beaded necklace that hangs from my rearview mirror that my daughter made me. I used to think that I used it to be able to identify my vehicle quicker in a parking lot. But maybe, after much consideration, it is more for others to recognize that I am coming and to get the heck outta dodge.