Ok, So I've Got A Track Record !

Ok, it is time for me to finally admit that I cannot bake !

Cooking is not such a problem - but baking, well that is another story. I am suprised that I have not made someone ill yet. Well, maybe I have and they just were nice enough not to blame it on my culinary prowess.

I will now confess all my sins......

Once I made these beautiful chocolate chip cookies. They looked like they should be in the window showcase of a bakery. I was sooo proud. That is until I found that you could chip your teeth on them. Or have a wonderful game of hockey. Not to be dismayed, I tried again. I should have just quit after the first batch - but oh no, I must prove myself. HA. Well... this time they did not look so good. They did not fare so well at all. After about 3 min. in the oven I could smell burning... Impossible ! I thought. Yeah Right. Upon looking in my oven window I was greeted with the sight of a cookie sheet puddled up with butter, and pretty little chocolate chips floating around in their buttery little pond. After pouting I gave up cookie baking.

Then there was the time that I made Cheesecake ! I was kind of scared after the whole cookie thing so I played it safe, and bought a box mix. No One can screw up a box mix right ? Well somehow I managed. After completed ( it was a bakinging one ) I presented it to my husband knowing it is his favourite indulgence. I was absolutely beaming with pride, it was beautiful, a masterpeice. Then the dreaded question came as I watched his face cringe and wrinkle up while still trying to smile kindly at me and resist spitting it out. "How much salt did it call for hon ?" he asked while lunging for a glass of water. " Well none sweety, there is no salt in it." It slowly started to register what I had done. Yeah. Well I kinda mixed up the sugar with the salt...... 1 cup and a half of it..... Need I say more ?

Co-workers always seem to think that this is friggin hilarious, and cannot wait to see what I will bring to a baking party or get-to-gether ! So I decided to proove them all wrong. Gawd, why do I do this to myself.

It was a co-workers birthday and I made this strawberry chocolatey cakey kind of thing that needed to be chilled after. Well, knowing my history, maybe it was not a good idea to be drinking and trying to get ready for the party as well as bake. Needless to say when I opened the freezer after said amount of time chilling, I had created the leaning tower of pisa, that when slightly shifted slid across my freezer........ $%#!@.

I stopped and 7-11 and bought chips and pretzles - and yes - everyone had a good laugh, because they knew what must have happened.

I have many many more stories like this but I am kind of depressing myself - ha ha ha.

However, I would like to know.... is there some godamned magic word to make a cake come out of the stupid pan once it has cooled ?

Or, is there a special school for decorating cakes, because the one time a cake turned out, AND I left it in the pan, rather than having to pass off my "chocolate chunk cake" that you ice individual chunks as you eat it. I GOT TO THE DECORATING PART - WHOO HOOO ! I presented my bakery success only to have them say. Awww how nice, you let the kids decorate it........ this is when they were 6 and 3 years old !!!!

For a baking exchange someone conviced me that Sugar Cookies are the simplest to make. I know they were trying to be helpful, knowing my condition and all, but GEEZE, were they trying to kill me ! Gawd - you have to separate eggs, whisk stuff, fold, roll out. Well at 10pm, after not even getting past the dough part and my kitchen looking like someone kicked the flour bag around, and globbed bits of dough on every surface. I ran to Save On Foods and bought 11 dozen sugar cookies. Yeah - that was an expensive cookie exchange, and I had to endure the friendly we are laughing WITH you not AT you. Yeah Whatever- I am not stupid. Now eat your friggin cookies !

Now that I have confessed my culinary sins, I guess I must go and say 500 Hail Martha's.