I am in charge of watering our lawn, which we have a fair amount of. I would enjoy this job if I could EVER FIND A SPRINKLER THAT DID NOT BREAK !!!!

As you can tell I have built up a bit of a rage about this issue.

I would love to have underground sprinklers and be done with all this hose, sprinkler, moving them around business. Especially when there are watering restrictions and I have to try to get all my lawn watered in the allotted time.... oh yeah.. and our bazillion trees.

Anyways, not until last night, was it brought to my attention that I have my own " sprinkler language" oh yes indeed. In fact I think I baffled my husband with this new language.

Coming in ( drenched as usual, as I can't seem to do this job without somehow spraying myself in the face ) I came to tell my husband my watering woes for the evening. Here is how it went :

Me : " Sigh, well, I think the ch ch ch ch ch flllllpppphhht sprinkler has bit the dust."

Husband : " The ch ch ch ch ch flllppphhht ???? "

Me : " Yeah, you know the one. It is only going so far then it sticks in one place."

Husband : " Oh "

Me : " Errgghh ! I only wish that I could last a couple of years with out having to buy more stupid sprinklers." " I saw that one in Canadian Tire that is supposed to creep along your hose and do all your watering"

Husband : " Oh " ( eyes on hockey game )

Me : " It won't work for us though, it is one of those twirly doo's with the two streams, and they do not have enough water output."

Husband : " twirly doo ??????? "

Me : " Yeah, so now all I am left with is the fffssssssttttttt one and the stick one."

Husband : "huh ???????"

Me : " Gawd, are you even listening to me, you know what the hell I am talking about you just won't pay attention because stupid hockey is on. Don't even talk to me."

Husband : looking at me bewildered

Me : WHAT !!!!?????

Husband : Silence and a shake of the head

Me : "Fine, I won't even talk to you about it.......maybe I will just get one of those swiiiisshhhhh swiiiissssshhhh ones, maybe it would work.

Husband : " Yeah try one of those hon, I am sure whatever you pick will be just fine."

Me : " hummphh, you don't even care. "


So, that was my night...........

The Light

An Angel gazes down at me,
A warmth fills my being.

My heart and soul they tell me,
It is true, what I am seeing.

Pain and despair slip from me,
And serenity fills my being.

Pet Him And Squeeze Him And Call Him .... Nancy ???

Now, we all remember the classic spoof on " Of Mice And Men" that Looney Tunes created. The unforgettable Abomidable Snow Guy with Bugs in hand, reciting "I will hug him, and squeeze him, and call him George." Much to ol' Long Ears chagrin.

Well, the snowy character have been re-born.... in the form of..... My Neice !!!!

Now, let's not leave out the fact that my neice I am refering to is only 2 1/2 years old....

Needless to say, her family has aquired to new cutey kitties. Now, my neice is not the most delicate of toddlers to say the least. But what she lacks in delicacy she makes up in dedicated love and spirit.

As soon as I saw her with the kitties, I have been wondering how long they would "make it" It soooooooooo reminds me of the above pictured skit.

Picture this : 8 week old kitty, carried around by the neck, " But Auntie !!! I am just cuddling him !!!. I have learned not to correct her too often in a short period of time, as this results in a big squeezing of the kitty acompanied by a two year olds emphatic Huuumph !!!!!!

What amazes me is how quickly the two kitties adapt. One has chosen to go into hiding whenever she appears, the other has accepted the fate of being loved, possible to death.

It just contentedly sits in the pink dolly stroller, being raced around the house, with the odd crash here and there. Or being rocked to sleep, oh so gently.

Lenny, from the novel "Of Mice and Men" move over and make way for my Neice and " Of Kitties and Toddlers"

I HATE Grocery Shopping !

It seems like such a waste of time. I just wanna get in and outta there, but that never seems to happen. It always has to be a 2 hr. ordeal involving more than one store.

I think they ( you know, the famous "they" ) are out to get you, and make it impossible for you to shop for evrything at one place and not spend your life savings.

Then there is the people. Can you get out of my WAY !!! I am not there to meet up with my friends in the middle of the aisle and block the way for those of us trying to complete a mission, which appaprently is why the rest of you came. It is like they don't undersand that only two carts can fit, and when I am standing there patiently with a pleasant grin plastered on my face, that really I am thinking " You stupid morons, get the hell outta the way " " Can't you see that I have kids that are on the verge of World War III "

Now, no offence or anything, but for you elderly people. I understand that you are arthritic, and have to shuffle, and have trouble seeing, hence examining labels for weeks on end. BUT CAN YOU MOVE TO THE FREAKIN SIDE OF THE AISLE. There is no need to park it right in the middle. Then when I politely, with plastered grin on my face as mentioned above, I ask you to please excuse me... Don't look at me like I am from another planet and that you honestly thought there was no one else in the store. That is, after I repeated myself about 4 times because you are hard of hearing.

I have learned however, not to take my children with me grocery shopping, that is unless I am actually wanting someone to call child services. Because, as I am bent towards child. Angrily whispering that for the 5th time, NO, we cannot have Chocolately Sugar Ball Marshmellow Treasure Suprise Puff Ball Cereal for $9.00 a box. And squeezing an arm, I am drawing quite a few looks. I am also ready to yell " what are you lookin' at ! " And pull an Exorcist type move with my head.

Then inevitably, there is the point when you are done, and are half finished uloading your cart, when you remember that ONE thing that you specifically wanted and of course forgot, so you have to perform the sprint of a lifetime, while in the worst shape of your life, grab the item, race back, and try to act like you aren't really out of breath from that short burst of activity.

I think this one only happens to me : It never ever ever fails that I get the "In training - please be patient " teller. The one that has to check the code for just about every item with the teller across the way. The one that when finally, all items are entered, accidentally hits some button on the till that freezes up the computer, and no other person can figure it out. Except that is, the regional manager, who is the only one with keys to the till. After about 10 minutes he floats to the till, magically performs some feat that amazes the tellers, and all is well with the till. To the cheers, and claps of the other tellers. Right now I am about ready to VOMIT.

All that fun, and it only cost me $270.00

Booyah !

Long Long Ago

Long long ago, before the kids. One of our first camping excursions was to Wells Grey Provincial Park in Clearwater, BC. Here is the tale of our adventures ....

We had decided that we were going to camp for five days in our tent ( mistake # 1 ) After driving into the campground, we realized that the attractions were very far apart, and required driving to. The hikes we were planning on, were full day treks, which we were not properly equipped for. So we decided an alternate itinerary.

First was Hemleken falls - absolutely beautiful. It is the 4th highest waterfall in Canada. It was stunning from the tourist area. But of course, that was not good enough of a view for Dean. We decided to hike in from behind the falls. As we are coming up on them you can hear the water, feel the mist. Ahhhhh, then all of a sudden you break through the trees, and you are practically at the mouth of the thing, standing at the edge of a SHEER DROP !!! I think I started crying.

After that little adventure, we decided to hike in to Ray's Farm. It is the ruins of a historic pioneer homestead. Sooooo cool. Following the trail in, we realized how vulnerable we really were, when alongside of us we could hear something rustling around in the brush, making its way toward us. I mean this is no soft rustling, it is almost crashing. We froze. For certain it was a bear and death was knocking on our door, and us two idiots don't even have so much as a can of bug spray, to mace his ass. Closer and closer it came, we just looked at each other with fear in our eyes. All too soon it was upon us !
Godamned Skunk ! I was so relieved and mad all at the same time I could have kicked that dirty little rodent !

Next was Trophy Mountain Meadows, we got lost. That is all I am going to say about that one.

It is only the second day, and we have run out of bug spray. The layers we have applied apparently have not been enough. We are covered in the spray from head to foot. The itching in my hair is about driving me nuts, and I am starting to feel a little tight in the tummy, because there is no way I can make myself # 2 in the dirty little outhouse.
SIGH. Well, since we know we are here for another 3 days, we head partway into town to a lodge we saw that had a convenience store to pick up some bug spray. After paying some obscene price for the bug spray we noticed that the store is not the only thing they have there. They have a SALOON !!!!!! Yahoo ! It was like $13.00 bucks for a Paralyzer, but what the hell ! We needed it. The rest of the night was ok, until night fell. As I lie in the tent, I am awakened by something in our site. OH gawd, it brushes up against the tent. Shit, it is in the bag of chips I left on the table ( we are supposed to keep all food in the trunk of our car ) I muster all the courage I have, grab the flashlight, and make my way outside to face the intruder. There was not one but 3. I was out numbered. I made my way to the picnic table and saved the Doritos from the two savage squirrles that were doing their damndest to break into the bag. That accomplished, I headed for the final suspect, but he fled at the sight of me, as well he should. I am sure I coulda kicked that two foot high foxes butt man ! I sure showed him who's boss of the woods.

Morning, of the third day. I have not slept since I was defending my territory from the predators that lurked around our campsite. I felt like one big itch, and I am sure that dirt covering me is permanent. We left.

Ahhh the fond memories. They will live on forever.

Makes Me See Red

Now, I have enough laundry to do as it is with a 4 person family, two of them school age. Is it absolutely impossible of me to ask that when putting clothes in the hamper they be :

Not Inside Out !

Not One Leg In and One Leg Out !

Not Clothes That I Know For A FACT, Have Not Been Worn, Just Ended Up On The Floor !!

And, Not All Stuck Together, Like You Miraculously Slid Out Of Your Clothes And Left Them Looking Like A Dressed Person Just With No Body !

Oh Yes, I forgot one....... AND PLEASE DO NOT TRY TO HIDE THE STAINS.


Maybe it is just me, I dunno. But I do not want to turn your underwear right side out, or your sweaty socks, even if you are my family. And why should I have to pull apart your socks from your pants from your underwear from your shirt. Which I still cannot figure out how you do that.

Sure I am not working, and should not complain about little things. But it is little things that will land me in the nut house I am sure.

Maybe, you guys think that I am bored, and are trying to add a little challenge to my life. See how fast I can get at figuring out the laundry puzzle.

WELL STOP IT !!!!!

Maybe I am already halfway ready for the looney bin, because I caught myself singing this while putting a load in this morning :

The work sock connected to the white sock
The white sock connected to the sweat pants
The sweat pants connected to the underwear,
And they're all turned inside out !